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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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Finally, I gave up and headed to the Kamojimacho Fish Market. Now, that place is a whole vibe. The smell of fresh seafood hits you like a wave. I was in heaven. I chatted with some local fishermen, and they told me about the best spots to catch certain fish. They were super friendly, and I felt like I was part of the community.